Porter Mason's World of Fun

Class and BW blog

2006-09-07T20:25:54Z

Hey, for anyone interested, I'll actually be teaching a introductory improv class at UCB in the Fall:

http://www.ucbtheatre.com/classes/classdetail.php?ClassID=2421

It's 12-3 on Saturdays, and it starts September 30.

Also, for those of you jonesing for more bloggy entries from me, you might be sated by the Bassist Wanted blog:

http://bassistwanted.com/blog

OK, now really, I'm not updating here anymore!

Update Your Links People.

2006-07-15T20:03:28Z

This damn blog is finally dying. So if you read it, or link to it on your site... know that!

It will replaced, in a fashion by a new blog project of mine:

How To Live Your Damn Life

Alternatively, you can instead link to my comic strip:

Bassist Wanted

So stop coming here. Change your bookmarks.

Stop linking here. Change your links.

I beg of you.

FightGlobalWarming.com

2006-03-23T16:49:28Z

The place what I work at, Environmental Defense (formerly Environmental Defense Fund or EDF) just launched these fairly provocative tv ads about global warming today, and an informative website about global warming.

Please watch the ads and post about them on your blog. Please also check out the website and spread that around as well.

First Annual Porter Mason Photo Contest (PMPC) First Prize Winners

2006-03-23T14:00:02Z

Congrats to Brandy Barber and Sara Allocco, who are the winners of the First Annual Porter Mason Photo Contest (PMPC) with their entry, "Boston Subway Map":

http://www.flickr.com/photos/49095994@N00/115548658/in/photostream/

"Big ups" to Brandy and Sara, and "Too Bads" to the many, many other entrants.

Mix Tape for the Kids

2006-03-22T05:46:17Z

"Nobody Move, Nobody Gets Hurt", We Are Scientists, With Love And Squalor

"Boys in the Band", The Libertines, Up the Bracket

"Jennifer Louise", Of Montreal, Aldhils Arboretum - Buy from AudioLunchbox

"Jane Fonda", Mickey Avalon, Mickey Avalon

"Shooter", Lil Wayne, Tha Carter II

"What's Mine Is Yours", Sleater-Kinney, The Woods

"Off the Record", My Morning Jacket, Z

"Jet Pilot", Son Volt, Okemah And The Melody Of Riot

"Kevin is gay", Giant Drag, Hearts and Unicorns

"Black", Okkervil River, Black Sheep Boy - Buy from AudioLunchbox

"Black Cab", Jens Lekman, Oh You're So Silent Jens - Buy from AudioLunchbox

"Already Gone", Admiral Twin, Creatures of Bread & Wine - Buy from AudioLunchbox

"Amassed Complications", Food Will Win the War - Listen on their MySpace page

"Diminishing Returns", Harvey Danger, Little by Little - ENTIRE ALBUM FOR FREE

"What I`m Looking For", Brendan Benson, The Alternative To Love

Biggest Crab in the World

2006-02-15T05:22:45Z

A drawing I was recently commisioned to do:

I think it's from their friend's dream.

Come! Now is the time for puppies!

2006-02-13T19:26:07Z

This is the best thing ever!!!

Puppy Monorail!!!
http://www.monorails.org/tMspages/PuppyMover.html

No cable espanol.

2006-02-05T22:28:13Z

I don't have cable, and I have to waste my time somehow, so I watch TV over the Internet. A lot of this stuff is dorktown, but I am a dork, so I enjoy it.

read more | digg story

No pants, no justice

2006-01-23T03:15:56Z

Here is my friend Flynn getting arrested:

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/060122/ids_photos_ts/r189379620.jpg

Here are more of the photos:

http://news.search.yahoo.com/news/search?p=pants+new+york&ei=UTF-8&c=news_photos

Here are some news articles about it:

http://www.nynewsday.com/news/local/transportation/subway/am-pants0123,0,4231475.story?coll=nyc-homepage-breaking2
http://www.nynewsday.com/news/local/wire/newyork/ny-bc-ny--nopantssubwayride0122jan22,0,3104540.story?coll=ny-region-apnewyork

Please read this article and follow its directions.

2006-01-19T19:51:28Z

It's about how to not be an asshole when using a cellphone:

http://www.wired.com/news/columns/0,70041-0.html?tw=wn_tophead_3

I think most of the things are self-evident, but I've been impressed by how many people break most of these rules.

Brisbane asylum.

2006-01-16T08:05:48Z

Up late finishing cartoons.

Watched the Panthers win today.

Ate pizza.

Had brunch with my friend, Kari.

I have the DVD of "Gimme Shelter" from Netflix, but I seem to be leaving it wrapped up in both envelopes. I think I'm scared to finally watch this movie I've been meaning to see since A Very Long Time Ago Indeed.

Anyone have my driver's license? Because I lost it.

Soon, I will be (sort of) debt-free.

I have lately been dorking out to podcasts about webcomics. Podcasting is my favorite means of dorking out lately. When you want to hear other dorky people talking about the inane minutiae of an obscure topic, I highly recommend podcasting. Oh sure, you can also read dorky blogs about inane minutiae. (You're doing so right now, friend!) But podcasting trumps blogs in that one can actually hear the voices of these other lame human beings who are bizarrely concerned with your lame esoteric obsession.

Also, I can play podcasts on my beautiful baby Nano. His name is Manos. He is, of course, named after "Manos, the Hands of Fate".

!!!!! THIS JUST OCURRED TO ME !!!!!! -----> There MUST be a Mystery Science Theater 3000 podcast out there! I mean, if you want to talk about a dorky fanbase obsessed with minutiae and regurgitating said minutiae, the MSTies are high on that list. I'll bet, that despite the fact that no new MST3K's have come out in 10 years or so, that there are at least two or three podcasts devoted to Joel, Mike and the bots.

I'll have a look-see.

And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside-Out

2006-01-05T21:39:22Z

I do not forward things. I do not like jokes. But this one is worth spreading:

Blonde joke

You eat liverwurst: you dream about liverwurst.

2005-12-29T04:10:40Z

People who would want to yell at me to update this, I am cutting you off at the pass.

Points of order:

I like the Go! Team album.
I got a bunch of DVDs for Christmas.
I like relaxing. Why is it that I don't schedule much of it? I do end up relaxing often enough, but I never schedule time to do so, so my I usually feel guilty during relaxing-time. I liked not feeling guilty for relaxing the past couple of days.
The 2006 Peanuts calendar I preemptively hung up on the wall earlier today just fell down as I was typing the previous bullet point. Ominous! Not looking good, 2006!

Tintinabulation station.

2005-12-15T23:47:24Z

I am in DC, jackasses. It is cold here, but it's colder in New York, so it really doesn't feel that cold, which makes me really think about the subjectivity of opinions and life and my whole existence. Not really! (fart noise)!

So anyway, in awesome Web 2.0 news, Yahoo just bought del.icio.us. (It's good I mention it here, too, because I know most of you consider this dumbass blog your main source of tech news.) Overall, this is a good thing, I think, especially if Yahoo sacks up and buys Digg while they're at it, as has been suggested.

Of course, then I'll have to get a Yahoo account. God damn it.

Anyone want to explain to me why MySpace always feels creppy? My friend pointed this out to me before I joined, and he was absolutely right. It's the only website I've ever been on that feels like it has some sort of sticky film all over it, like when you're at a friend's place, and you put your hand down on a couch, and it feels wet, and then you start thinking the couch also smells weird, and whether or not it's true, it's in your head now, and all you can think about is your friend and his girlfriend doing it right where you're sitting, and that gets your soldiers marching a little bit, and pretty soon there's another wet spot on the couch, and thus completes the Circle of Life.

This blog has reduced my humor to stream-of-consciousness non sequiturs and sentences that go on longer than they should. I'm so much more than that... OR AM I? (fart noise)!

Please do listen to Ricky Gervais' podcast, as it's very good: rickygervais.com/podcast.php

Note: The fart noises in this post are dedicated to Brandy Barber, a real high-class broad I know.

For the kids!

2005-12-13T06:52:14Z

OK, jerks, fine, here's an update in my dumbass blog.

To sate your insatiable pangs, I will bestow upon you a mundane list of things I did recently. And I will apparently use weird words on the way to that list.

Just saw The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. Not crazy about it. I just didn't buy it most of the time. It felt a little silly. Wanted to like it. Did not. Bring on Kong.
Saw Billy Cosby at the historic Apollo Theater on Sunday. Thanks to my good sister, Pamela. Cheers up to Pam, and cheers up to Mr. Bill. Good times were had by all. Except this one woman in a wheelchair whose husband seemed on a mission to find her the most "comfortable" place in the theater, despite her protests that she was fine where she was. He insisted and insisted, and we tried up by the front of the stage in the wheelchair, and we tried down at the back of the stage, out of the wheelchair, and I could hear all of this because he was not adept at the art of whistling (in the dark, or otherwise).
Just made a They Might Be Giants reference in that last item, and I didn't want to, but I felt like this stupid journal is the place for terrible They Might Be Giants references, so I gave my internal editor the night off, and I typed it in here.
Received an iPod Nano in return for turning 28 years old. A fair trade.
Went on two dates. Perhaps maybe the first two honest to goodness date-y dates I've ever been on. I am not impressed by this dating business. I'm not good at it, and I don't know what's supposed to be happening, and I turn into Weird, Overly Nice, Nervously Funny Porter who, if you know him, is a fine guy really, but the whole thing with dates is, you don't know him, do you? It's OK. I don't need to date well. I just need to bide my time until the company I work for decides to build a nightclub in Las Vegas and picks me to head the project. Then while there, I'll have a passionate one-night stand with a beautiful Mexican girl. She flee the next morning without leaving any contact information, and I'll spend months searching for her to no avail. Then she'll appear on my doorstep, and I'll be overjoyed until I find out she's pregnant with my baby. Against all better judgement, I'll fall in love with her and decide to get married. But marraige and pregnancy will prove trying, and after thinking she's had a miscarraige, we'll separate, and she'll file for divorce. I'll move back to New York and try to move on, but signs everywhere point me to return to her, and on the day our divorce papers are about to become official, I'll trek deep into the Mexican outback to find her, only to discover she's back in Vegas. I'll camp out on the state line to flag down her car, and when I finally see her, she'll curse me... and then go into labor. She'll have the baby, we'll get back together and, because our divorce will have already officially gone through, get remarried in a gorgeous ceremony with both our families by our side.

And if that doesn't happen I'll get one o' them mail-order Russians I seen on them webcams.

For all of ya'll who wear fannypacks:

2005-10-14T18:30:08Z

I promise I'll write a real entry soon. But in the meantime, all those of you with LiveJournal should add my comic as a friend:

http://www.livejournal.com/friends/add.bml?user=bassistwanted

Facial Profiling

2005-09-02T21:10:10Z

Well, tomorrow I head off to here:

with this guy:

in order to see this guy:

and maybe some of these guys:

or even a few of these guys:

As such, I doubt there will be much pointless drek spewing forth from me, much to your chagrin. The cartoons should keep coming, in my absense, if I set it up right.

I shall return in two weeks.

Be forewarned: I will emerge from this trip more wordly, and therefore feel more comfortable waxing philosophic on various matters. I will check out of conversations and look pensively off into the distance for minutes at a time.

"Porter?" you'll ask as you shake my shoulder. "You OK?"

"Oh... yes," I'll reply. "I... was just just thinking of my time in Africa. I... I learned so much on that trip."

"Oh. Right."

"Did I ever tell you about how we saw--"

"YES. Repeatedly."

"And did I explain, how in that one moment, I realized that we, as Americans, can neither--"

"YES. We... all heard it. It's... (sigh) yes, it's a great point. Come on, everybody: all at once..."

And then the entire room would say in unison: "Wow, Porter, you really gained soooo much perspective from your eventful, albeit brief, trip to South Africa."

"Heh... yes, I guess I did," I'd chuckle. "You guys teach me something new every day. Mmm. This world offers so much knowledge to each and every one of us. If only we'd notice it more often."

"I guess so, man. Look, we're going to get gyros. You wanna come?"

But there'd be no reply from me. I'd be lost in thought again. Lost in memories. Lost in the vast savannah¹ of my immense newly found Perspective.

Notes:

1. I won't actually visit much of the savannah region in South Africa. But I will no doubt forget this and confuse my actual memories of Africa with those I've seen in movies and Looney Toones episodes.

Pictures of SILLIES!!!

2005-08-31T20:32:15Z

Behold my beautiful new faux headshot:

And decide which of these two photos you like best to represent the amazing improvisational comedy show, "The Compromise":

Bushes

or

Happy

Please vote via comment.

Shake the Streets of Illadelphia

2005-08-30T19:09:39Z

More lyrics for the kids:

In one single moment your whole life can turn 'round.
I stand there for a minute starin' straight into the ground,
Lookin' to the left slightly, then lookin' back down.
World feels like it's caved in -- proper sorry frown.
"Please let me show you where we could only just be, for us.
I can change, and I can grow, or we could adjust.
The wicked thing about us is we always have trust.
We can even have an open relationship, if you must."
I look at her she stares almost straight back at me,
but her eyes glaze over like she's lookin' straight through me.
Then her eyes must have closed for what seems an eternity,
When they open up she's lookin' down at her feet.

Dry your eyes, mate.
I know it's hard to take, but her mind has been made up.
There's plenty more fish in the sea.
Dry your eyes, mate.
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts,
but you've got to walk away now.
It's over.

So then I move my hand up from down by my side.
It's shakin', my life is crashin' before my eyes.
Turn the palm of my hand up to face the skies.
Touch the bottom of her chin and let out a sigh.
"'Cause I can't imagine my life without you and me.
There's things I can't imagine doin', things I can't imagine seein'.
It weren't supposed to be easy, surely.
Please, please, I beg you please."
She brings her hands up towards where my hands rested.
She wraps her fingers round mine with the softness she's blessed with.
She peels away my fingers, looks at me and then gestures
by pushin' my hand away to my chest, from hers.

Dry your eyes, mate.
I know it's hard to take, but her mind has been made up.
There's plenty more fish in the sea.
Dry your eyes, mate.
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts,
but you've got to walk away now.
It's over.

And I'm just standin' there, I can't say a word.
'Cause everythin's just gone.
I've got nothin'.
Absolutely nothin'.

Tryin' to pull her close out of bare desperation.
Put my arms around her tryin' to change what she's sayin'.
Pull my head level with hers, so she might engage in.
Look into her eyes to make her listen again.
"I'm not gonna fuckin', just fuckin' leave it all now
'cause you said it'd be forever and that was your vow.
And you're gonna let our things simply crash and fall down?
You're well out of order now, this is well out of town."
She pulls away. My arms are tightly clamped round her waist.
Gently pushes me back, and she looks at me straight.
Turns around, so she's now got her back to my face.
Takes one step forward, looks back, and then walks away.

Dry your eyes, mate.
I know it's hard to take, but her mind has been made up.
There's plenty more fish in the sea.
Dry your eyes, mate.
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts,
but you've got to walk away now.
It's over.

I know in the past I've found it hard to say,
tellin' you things, but not tellin' straight,
but the more I pull on your hand and say,
the more you pull away.

Dry your eyes, mate.
I know it's hard to take, but her mind has been made up.
There's plenty more fish in the sea.
Dry your eyes, mate.
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts,
but you've got to walk away now.

Kings of Natasha Lyonne

2005-08-30T18:29:59Z

Lyrics for the kids:

"This is just the way of the world," Joe said.
"I had to put a bullet into his head."
Then he lit up a cigarette,
decided to call his fat friend, Fred.
"Well," he said. "Fred, I just killed a man.
Caught him laying with my girlfriend.
Now they're both dead. People can be so cold when they're dead."

Mix Tape of the Week #2

2005-08-28T21:18:48Z

"A Minha Menina", Os Mutantes from Os Mutantes
"Love In The Plaster", The Hives from Tyrannosaurus Hives
"Bucky Done Gone", M.I.A. from Arular
"Every Day I Love You Less And", Kaiser Chiefs from Employment
"There's Always Someone Cooler Than You", Ben Folds from Sunny 16
"Catch My Disease (That's The Way I Like It)", Ben Lee from Awake Is The New Sleep
"Sunday Under Glass", Beulah from When Your Hearstrings Break
"Please Stand Up", British Sea Power from Open Season
"It's Not The Fall That Hurts", The Caesars from Paper Tigers
"Open Season", Imperial Teen from What Is Not To Love
"She's The One", Beta Band from The Three E.P.'s
"Man", Yeah Yeah Yeahs from Fever To Tell
"Panda", Dungen from Ta det lugnt
"Take Your Mama Out", Scissor Sisters from Scissor Sisters
"This Modern Love", Bloc Party from Silent Alarm
"Another Love Song", Queens of the Stone Age from Songs For the Deaf
"Perfect Situation", Weezer from Make Believe
"Pick Up The Change", Wilco from A.M.

Mix Tape of the Week #1

2005-08-28T21:14:35Z

"Jerk It Out", The Caesars from Paper Tigers
"Blood On Our Hands", Death from Above 1979 from You're A Woman, I'm A Machine
"School Spirit", Kanye West from College Dropout
"Bitches Ain't Shit", Ben Folds from Bitches Ain't Shit
"Foregone Conclusions", Pedro The Lion from Achilles Heel
"Coma Girl", Joe Strummer & The Mescaleros from Streetcore
"Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)", The Arcade Fire from Funeral
"Let's Push Things Forward", The Streets from Original Pirate Material
"Sad and Lonely", Secret Machines from Now Here Is Nowhere
"Peace", Weezer from Make Believe
"Don't Worry About The Government", Talking Heads from The Name Of This Band Is Talking Heads
"Amazon", M.I.A. from Arular
"Counting Down The Hours", Ted Leo & the Pharmacists from Shake The Sheets
"Running Out Of Time", Hot Hot Heat from Elevator
"Daft Punk Is Playing At My House", LCD Soundsystem from LCD Soundsystem
"I`ll Be Around", Cee-Lo from Cee-Lo Green Is the Soul Machine
"What Don`t You Do (Outro)", Cee-Lo from Cee-Lo Green Is the Soul Machine
"Only You and Your Eyes", The Sadies from Favourite Colours

There ain't no challah FAQ, girl.

2005-08-26T17:32:03Z

Triumphant infants dance through Herald Square.

Vague training days make Gabe crave rain.

If I was a superhero, I would have a really funny answering machine message that poked fun at whatever my superpower was. Like, if I were superstrong I would say, "I can't pick up the phone... because it's too heavy! Ha! Leave a message." I also might make some mention of the fact that I'm always out fighting crime and that's the reason my answering machine was always on. "I can't come to the phone right now because I'm out fighting crime... as usual! For those of you who want to complain that you can never catch me at home, please leave your name, number, and address... so I know not to save it from being destroyed by Professor Molestor's Super-Triple-Nipple-Ray-Blaster! Ha! Just kidding, I have taken a sacred oath to protect all of Quintopolis' citizens, and that's a vow that I'll never break. Leave a message."

Suppose she knows the guy, but he doesn't trust her. Should she try tripling the things he hates?

Intelligent designer jeans.

2005-08-23T15:47:04Z

Here are two wonderful responses to the growing popularity of the, huge patronizing beginning quote, intelligent design, huge patronizing end quote:

Wikipedia entry on new religion: Flying Spaghetti Monsterism

The Onion: Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

This will now doubt REALLY ruffle the feathers of all the far-right, born-agains who read this stupid blog. It's a chance I'm willing to take.

No.

It's a chance I've GOT to take.

portermason @ 2005-08-22T17:47:00

2005-08-22T21:52:39Z

A very interesting article in Washington Monthly about a new way to rank schools:

http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/features/2005/0509.collegeguide.html

By the way, the U.S. News and World Report rankings... you all realize that's just made up, right? They just started doing it. They were never really qualified to rank colleges. No one was clamoring for U.S. News to rate colleges. "Please, U.S. News, with your great wealth of college information, please bestow upon us your wisdom as to why Yale is slightly better than MIT, as opposed to last year, when MIT was clearly slightly better than Yale." They just started publishing a list, so people starting touting their placement on that list, and then the whole thing snowballed to the point where lots of kids won't even consider a school if it doesn't reach some minimum U.S. News threshold.

Anyway, all that said, it's no mistake that Duke hovered in the top 3 while I was there, but resided in the horrible dregs of the "second five" both before and after my time there. And any ranking that's me-based probably has some truth to it.